i don't like sucking hair
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror