You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me