kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.