He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight