um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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