Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
