After last night, I could never be a politician.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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