...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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