checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
