Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just had sex on a roof
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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