Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I AM VODKA MAN
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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