just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
