You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize