well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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