I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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