i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Randomize
