I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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