I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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