just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
