i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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