wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I believe in your delicious
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