i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
