He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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