It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on