Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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