Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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