dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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