I think my vagina is haunted
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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