So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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