the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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