What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize