I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
