Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
