Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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