Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize