Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
