she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same