dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Enjoy the penises