Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window