just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!