They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
