GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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