Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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