loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
