ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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