if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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