If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
as a side note pls kill me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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