Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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