halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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