shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
