I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
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There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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