Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
