This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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