The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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