I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize