K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
3pm strippers are depressing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
