a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
